Living In A Nightmare
by Temptation of Lacuna
Summary: Siegfried's disappearance has haunted her ever since. Unable to forgive herself for choosing not to purue him, she embarks on a quest to be re-united with her beloved...


**Chapter One**

* * *

_Lacuna_: Yep, I'm re-writing this story as well. Hope that take two is up to par with my other writings :)

And I don't own _The Ghost Woman and the Hunter_, the song and its lyrics are property of one of my favorite bands ever- **Lacuna Coil**.

* * *

_Staring at the sun  
no rays down on me  
I call you in my arms  
embrace is unreal_

* * *

She stood before a large window watching as heavy sheets of rain attacked the earth and bright flashes of lightning lit up the otherwise blackened sky. Loud thunderclaps echoed through the silence. She was convinced that they could overpower the sound of her screaming should she choose to act upon the desire to do so.

The storm could be viewed as a metaphor of what she was feeling inside. The rain fell steadily like the tears from crimson colored yes. The lightning flashed with such brilliance as if to shed its light on the unbearable truth while the roar of thunder was loud as the voice inside her mind reminding her of her shame.

_**Clap!**_

_Coward._

_**Clap!**_

_Deserter._

_**CLAP!**_

_Guilty._

A million more thunderclaps. A million more words condemning her for what had happened that fateful evening.

* * *

_You're moving on  
we'll never be apart  
just drain my tears  
I cry aloud_

You're moving on  
you'll never be a part  
of all my tears  
I cry aloud

* * *

She placed a pale hand upon the glass surface before her, the coolness of the smooth barrier proving that she as not merely a phantasm trapped in the wretched purgatory. It felt as though she had died when he had disappeared into the darkness that night. She knew one thing for certain, he had torn the heart straight out of her chest and it broke her. Although it had happened years ago the feelings she held for him lingered on, haunting her without mercy.

_Calling on your sins  
you're here in my dreams  
a desert place  
I'm not alone_

Do you really  
want to be me?

* * *

The day of his disappearance repeatedly played over in her mind. It didn't matter if she was awake or asleep. The memory would never exit her mind.

His scream echoed through her mind. Siegfried was never one to scream. He was never one to scream and absolutely never one to run. That night he did both. And now he was gone and she…

She was just here.

* * *

_You're moving on  
we'll never be apart  
just drain my tears  
I cry aloud_

You're moving on  
you'll never be a part  
of all my tears  
I cry…

* * *

She was here and he was gone. No amount of crying was going to make this change. In the past she had foolishly hoped he would find her here and take her with him wherever he had gone. He would tell her what had happened that night, where he had been, and that he wasn't leaving anymore. They'd be wed and…

But all those hopes were in vain. He was somewhere far away while she remained here.

* * *

_You're moving on  
we'll never be apart  
just drain my tears  
I cry aloud_

You're moving on  
you'll never be a part  
of all my tears  
I cry aloud

* * *

It was possible that he was no longer alive, that whatever he was running from had subdued and murdered him.

"_What if someone kills him!"_

She wanted to run after him but she was restrained by two young men belonging to her beloved's band of thieves, Schwarzwind.

"_Siegfried can handle himself, Mariana. I saw his foe and he stands no chance."_

The words of Endredi, the only female member of Schwarzwind. The last thing Mariana remembered of that night…

* * *

_You're moving on  
we'll never be apart  
just drain my tears  
I cry aloud_

You're moving on  
you'll never be a part  
of all my tears  
I cry aloud

* * *

Her reflection in the glass, a blackened sky as the background… A final metaphor for a wicked heart.

Staring directly into the eyes of her reflection she resolved herself to do what she should have been doing long ago; search for her lost love. He was still alive, she was convinced of it. She still felt their connection as strongly as ever.

Her decision was final: she would depart this very night into the storm and she would never give up until she was reunited with her beloved Siegfried.

Or until she died trying…


End file.
